Sometimes it can feel like you can’t catch a break. Sometimes days feel like weeks, and weeks feel like months, and a month can feel like eternity. Have you been there? 

When my mom passed away, I got stuck in addiction. Addiction to drugs, to pornography, I drank a lot for someone who was only a teenager. See, I felt like I was completely surrounded by all the things that I allowed myself to get into. That’s what addiction does. It sucks you in. It keeps you. It mangles you. It holds you. I felt like there was no way out. I didn’t know how to get out. I felt like I was trying to barter with God, and I always failed on my end. It never took long. 

I couldn’t catch a break, I was sinking.

That period of my life lasted six year. Interestingly, never once did I overdose (and I know I should have). Never once did make a trip to the hospital, and I know I should have. I don’t say this to boast. I say this because even though I kept continuing to put myself through hell on earth, I was protected. 

You see, I thought I was surrounded by evil, by addiction, by pain and I couldn’t see a way out. I had become like Elisha’s servant at the moment they were surrounded by armies who had come to kill them. Elisha looked at his servant and prayed:

 “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.” 

When I was 19, I finally allowed my eyes to be opened. I got to see that the very destruction I thought was surrounding me, didn’t have the hold on me like I thought they did. In my mind, I felt that I couldn’t get out, but it was a trick the devil wanted me to believe. As long as he could keep me stuck mentally, he could keep me stuck physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

John 10:10 tells us “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” 

I used to beat myself up for opening the front door for the thief to come in. So many of us open the front door, and when we realize we opened the door but didn’t want to, we beat ourselves up. We forget something. We forget the second part of the verse where Jesus explains His purpose: To come and give us a rich and satisfying life. 

I couldn’t have that life. At least I thought. I finally let my eyes be opened up. No, I didn’t see physical chariots of fire with horses, but saw something very similar: freedom. I started to deal with the pain and the guilt of all the mistakes that had built up over the years. 

I beat myself, not only over my mom passing away, but for every single mistake I made after that. I was in a vicious cycle. Then I stopped bartering, I stopped trying to do things for God, and I let Him do what He did so many years ago. 

Forgive. 

I allowed forgiveness to sink in. Yeah I made a lot of mistakes. Yeah, I had a lot of regrets, but how much He loves me far outweighs all of the regrets. I let the love of Jesus fill me, and I noticed my thinking began to change. I wasn’t a failure. Yes, I made mistakes like anyone, but mine didn’t have to define me. 

All of a sudden, the battle in my mind was switched. I was no longer surrounded by the pain and guilt, but I was surrounded by love, grace, and mercy. I was surrounded by the arms of Jesus. 

The Bible says He will NEVER leave us, nor forsake us. He never left me, even while I was making every wrong choice. He never left, because He loves me too much. He never gave up, because that would make what He did on the cross to have  been done in vain. He stood with me in every single fire, holding my hand, holding me back, and He is doing exactly the same thing for you. He’s in the battle with you over every addiction. In every fight of sickness, He is standing in the battle with you, because He won the battle for you 2,000 years ago at the cross. 

You’re not stuck. We are not stuck. We aren’t surrounded by guilt, or addiction. We’re surrounded by love. Will you allow it to overtake you? All you have to do is open the door and receive it. 

“Jesus, I receive your love, I receive your healing for ________ in my life. You’re bigger than every problem, and You’ve walked me through every single fight I’ve been in. It’s why I’m still standing today. Thank you for Your grace, Your love, Your favor. I receive it, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

You don’t have to be afraid. You can come out of the darkness, the pain, and guilt. Maybe you have trapped yourself in. Know that you’re surrounded by love, and mercy, and grace. You’re surrounded by Jesus, and He’s been waiting for you. 

You’re surrounded by love. His perfect love. 

I’ll leave you with this. 

1 John 4:15-20 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other[a] because he loved us first. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.